So…I had the privilege of hanging out with my new 20-something year old buddies for a Relationship Roundtable on Saturday. Of course as with any discussion about relationships, the topic of sex comes up.
Well, you know my stance on pre-marital sex (and if you don’t, it’s don’t do it); however, for those of you screaming, “screw you Coach Steph! I’m getting me some sex,” then here’s a few things that I would like you to consider.
Calm down, it’s just 4 little things, you can handle it.
Realize that sex is serious. It’s not anything that you do to show your power, or how well you can do it. Even if you have the best sex in the world (and references to support this claim), you are a fool to give it to just anyone to prove a point. Not only is it serious, it’s spiritual. Now, even if you don’t have a god or believe in God…two people becoming one should sound pretty powerful to you, and in that moment, you should realize that you are both at your most vulnerable. So, if you don’t mind taking on someone else’s spirit, mind and body for at least 20 minutes, and you’re okay if that it may not mean anything to them when the act is over, then you might be making a good decision.
Insist on protection. Beyond getting pregnant by someone you may not like in the next 24-48 hours, there are still diseases that can change your life forever. We’ve all had unprotected sex, but if you’ve been blessed enough to come through it disease free and HIV-negative…then protect your status and protect yourself. If someone wants to do it without protection, and by protection, I mean something between your flesh and theirs, then consider it an insult to your self-worth. You are definitely worth a condom (male or female version), some dental dam, something…aren’t you?
Never give your body with expectations. This is how you get into problems. You think that if you do it, he will commit, or he will know how you feel. If you want to have sex with someone, be prepared to accept the fact that they may not call the next day—or ever, and they still see other people, or breakup with you. If you can accept that without feeling used or cheated, then you’re really strong.
Get over them before you get under a new person. Sometimes when we lose someone, we’re so upset that we want to take drastic actions. And by drastic, I mean finding the nearest most available person to bump uglies with. You’re hoping to reclaim your broken heart and show just how fast you can get over your defunct relationship. WRONG! You’re about to set yourself up for a huge failure (a possibly EPIC fail, if you will). The feelings you have for your ex are still present, and if you aren’t careful, they will transfer over to the person that you’re smushing. So…when the deed is done, you’re going to feel even worse. Now if you can handle that…then you made the right decision.
Now, for those you who are really paying attention…the first letter of the first word in each of the considerations actually spell the word “RING.” So, yet and still I hope you get the message.
For those of you who think that sex is about power and empowerment, you are setting yourselves up for failure. While this article is written with a female spin on it, please note that the considerations apply to guys also.
End the end…you will do what’s best for you…I just hope that if it’s right for you now, that it will be right for you later!