Dear Cam & Lucy…Let’s Make This Work

It’s not uncommon for people to think that once they have a significant other that there is no more work to be done.  That’s so far from the  truth.  Now that “you” are a “we” you have to learn what that means. You have to learn what your “signif” needs, and that’s a process in itself.

Remember the fundamentals: Attraction begets Interest begets Like begets Intense Like.  If you don’t, they’re are clearly defined in the book, “The Business of Dating.”

In a nutshell, we move through these four phases by way of intimacy.  Spatial intimacy, emotional intimacy, and spiritual intimacy, to be exact. (Note that physical intimacy was not included.)  How do we create intimacy?  By sharing time and space; by verbal and non-verbal communication; by being reactive and proactive…you get the idea.

And all of these things–while making perfect sense to us–can create closeness, openness, and the need to run away from you very fast in our significant other.  This is why we have to work on our relationships, and almost craft a language that only the two of you understand.

Now, it may seem lame for the two of you to come to a relationship coach; however, at the moment when you both decide that you like each other, and would like to see where this relationship can take you both, it might be a fun thing to do to just have a chat with your new wingwoman. (That could be me, by the way.)

After all, it’s better to learn how we make it better now, than to figure out it doesn’t get any worse later.

Like this story? Want to see how you the two of you can make it work? Click here.

Never Can Say Good-Bye!

Just admit it.

Admit what?

Admit that you aren’t strong enough to leave.  Admit that you’re willing to put up with interesting situations, and incessant discussions of the same thing without resolution.

It’s okay. 

You’re not alone.

It’s hard to end a relationship, even if it’s not working.  You’ve put in all this work and you expected some sort of a payoff.  A committment, a spouse, maybe just a drawer in the bedroom for your things…something.  So now, you feel a little bit like you should stay and see this thing through, right? Make sure that it’s run it’s course–you owe it that (or rather you think that you do).  But again, you are not alone.

I cannot say it enough.  We are not supposed to have bad relationships.  We are supposed to be able to avoid people who are not in the same place we are (I call the places, “Carnal, Communal or Committal”) and we are supposed to have the strength to let go of the people who show themselves unworthy of us.  Now when I say unworthy, it makes sound as if it has to be a big deal.  But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be a big deal.  In fact, if we would pay more attention to the little things in our relationships, we might be able to avoid the big heartbreaking thing that ultimately ends this relationship, and shatters your faith in love, the opposite sex, and the ability to ever give that much to anyone else ever again.

Did someone say, “things?”

How do you assess the little things? Well, you can go through the painstaking process of talking to your friends, family and even the Twitterverse, or you can just get my book.

There’s a book about this?

Yes, and I wrote it.  I wrote it to help you stop wasting your time with people that are going to break your heart and ruin your life (if only for a moment).  And, guess what, I didn’t just include ONE little thing…there are TWELVE little things in this book, plus a chapter on how to end it–if that is what you decide you need to do.

You will be strong enough in no time!  I promise!

Guess what I called it?

The Book of Bye! (Seriously…that’s what it is, so why not just call it that).

Look, I know the reason why you can’t say bye, and you know the reason (or reasons) why you can’t say bye.  And no matter what the exact reason is, this is one moment that you can take to figure out what you need to do.

…and I will be right beside you.

In paperback.

For more information on “The Book of Bye!” click here.