Dear Reid…Get Back on the (Dating) Horse!

After 27 years of marriage, Reid  is now a single guy, but he’s not a dater.   (He doesn’t even know what dating is!) This hopeless romantic will spend his sessions learning how to date in the 21st century–including exploring and  avoiding the pitfalls of online and offline dating.

Reid is the perfect client.

We love that he knows what he wants, and that he’s willing to learn and to open his mind to what this new chapter of his life has to offer.

After a divorce, there are many things to consider…and here are just a “few.”:

  • One: Why didn’t my marriage last?  This is a question that will have varying answers depending on when you ask it.  The most honest answer will probably be the one that puts both of your challenges and shortcomings into the spotlight.  If you’re still playing the “blame game,” then you’re not being honest…and that is the first step to healing.
  • Two: What did I learn?  Better question.  I once had a client that learned the value of communication AFTER his divorce.  While some might say that it’s too late, I say that he will take that lesson into his next relationship, and be better for it.
  • Three: Do I want to be married again?  This is another great question, and one that you not take lightly.  The answer will determine what your post-divorce relationships look like and will set the expectations for your future significant other.

[dropcap style=”1″ size=”3″]+[/dropcap] So, now it’s your turn. If you’re like Reid…let’s talk about it.

For The LOVE of Demi?

The Celebrity Love Notes continue, and as another relationship bites the proverbial dust…I am here to give you some real considerations to avoid the mistakes you see in today’s headlines.

My Take:
This relationship had a good foundation.  Ashton seem to assimilate seamlessly into the Moore-Willis clan, and and Demi’s new physique didn’t hurt Ashton’s ego on the red carpet.

Now, I always picture Demi Moore emascualtingAshton beyond reproach, because at some point she knows that she could be his mother, and no amount of Kabbalah (or whatever she does) will change that.  Ashton, while a good Midwestern boy, can only take so much, and I think that this intolerance is what we see manifested in the now pending divorce for this A-list couple.

Well…that and something about the paparazzi and another woman…tsk-tsk.

If either of them were my client:
First of all, Demi and I have somethings to work on because this is her third marriage.  She is old enough to know what she wants in a relationship, but is still failing at marriage–which means that it’s not all their fault.  She, like my good friend JLo, might have some similar issues when it comes to understanding the purpose of marriage and how to sustain one.

Additionally, I need to confirm my suspicions about her ability to make a man feel like a tiny, little, impotent boy before she leaves many more casualties in the wake of her post-Ashton singleness.

One last thing, we have to establish is that she, nor Ashton are single at this point.  As I have told you before breakups and divorces are likened to death, and this is a time of mourning.  Matters not what he did, or she said, or she did, and he said, this relationship must be grieved and time must be taken to heal from it. Period. 

Now Ashton seems like a good guy.  He’s got good Midwestern roots, and an amusing personality.  If you’ve seen his pre-Demi modeling footage, then you know he’s not hard on the eyes either.

So, Ashton, what’s the problem here?

Ashton hadn’t been married before Demi and this isn’t a good or a bad thing, it just is.  But something has changed this 6-year relationship, and I need to know his role in those changes.

Once we establish what his present mistakes, and mis-takes have contributed to the failure of this marriage, we’ll look to the future.  I would probably give him about 6-9 months to get himself together and then start doing some Connestions (my version of  “matchmaking”) with mature, non-celebrity women his own age.  Emphasis on his OWN age.

What we can all learn from this:
We can all learn that marriages are challenging.  Ashton recently tweeted, I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and Light, AK”  If such is the case, and you cherish the time, why did you do anything to bring this to an end.

Understand that there are some things that should end a marriage, and some things that are challenges we should overcome.  We have become too spoiled with our relationships, and in the process, are ready to diss and dismiss at the slightest sign of trouble.  We have got to be committed to our relationships. 

Now, it’s not fair for me to judge the fault in this relationship, because I know neither of these individuals personally.  However, if they didn’t make a valiant effort to save this union, then both are at fault. If they’re getting divorced over an issue that existed prior to the marriage, then they shouldn’t have gotten friggin married!

Again, marriage is a MAGNIFIER of what is right and wrong in a relationship (Coach Stephism).  Nothing changes because you got married, it just becomes a bigger joy or a larger P.I.T.A.

So, we say farewell to the couple known as Demi and Ashton.  No more sappy tweets, and group red carpet pics…it’s all over now.  But since the two of them will soon be running around Hollywood making new headlines, I hope that they both get themselves together.

Oh yea, I won’t miss those tweets!

LOL!

Celebrity Love Note No.3: Oh Jenny!

So..today I am speaking “to” good ol’ Jenny from the Block…check it out!

My Take:
This whole marriage concept is totally out of hand.  It seems as if Jennifer Lopez uses marriage to her advantage.  The first mistake is using it to her advantage.

 I don’t know if many of you know this, but a marriage is supposed to produce something positive in the world.  Not just children, but actually greatness.  Sum of you two, should be greater than your parts.  So, to use it to your advantage, is not the correct use of the institution.

 It is very irresponsible to continue to enter into a union that doesn’t last.  At some point, you have to admit that it’s not all about them.  You have some definitive fault in why these marriages aren’t working and going the distance.  Are you choosing the wrong men?  Is marriage just something you do? Do you love weddings?  What is the problem because clearly, there is one.

 Now that’s not to say that the individuals Jennifer marries are perfect.  But, really did the Latino busboy (AKA Hubby Number One) stand a chance?  That poor man was thrust from plastic runners to red carpets with a short period of time to adapt to the change, and when Jennifer’s career took off, eventually the marriage was left in the dust.

Some would say there is a pattern here.

If she were my client:
We would have to look very closely at these relationships before they were marriages, and explore why she thought this guy was husband material.  After discovering that answer, I am pretty sure that we need to explore her expectations for a husband, and if they are realistic.  We’ve all heard the stories of J-Lo’s outrageous performance riders, and perks for her entourage, it is possible that she asks outlandish things of her mate?  Does she think it’s over if he misses a 10 p.m. curfew?  Or if he doesn’t draw her bath at 81.3 degrees exactly?  Of course, I am over exaggerating (at least I hope that I am), but if anything remotely similar exists then we need to nip these things in the bud.

I also want to explore her vision for a marital relationship.  What are her beliefs about marriage founded upon?  What role does she play in bringing the vision to pass?  I will be whipping out all kinds of tools on Jenny from the Block…from Relationship Wheels to my beloved SWOT Analysis, I am going to work her until I get to the bottom of this nonsense.

 What we can learn from all of this:
Marriage is not something to be taken lightly.  Additionally, it is not something to be taken at all if we are not with someone we can see going old with.  One of my favorite tweets reads, “people are not getting divorced because marriage doesn’t work; they are getting divorced because they never should’ve gotten married.” 

Don’t be yet another person who engages in this new concept of marriage: the hobby.  You have to realize that marriage goes back to the Garden of Eden.  And if Adam can get over Eve talking to that snake and bringing him some bad fruit (with some pretty serious consequences), then we should be able to create marriages that last and overcome the challenges that two people inevitable will face when they say, “I do.”

Then again, maybe you adore Jennifer and see no problem with her getting married and getting divorced.

THIS JUST IN: I just read that it’s speculated that Marc Anthony and Jennifer’s divorce is over the educational plan for their twins—translation: what school the twins should go to?

 Seriously? 

 Well, perhaps the fourth time is the charm.

 Good luck, chica!