This last Celebrity Love Note is dedicated to NeNe Leakes. The loud mouth “Housewife” whom Bravo saw fit to make famous continues to do her level best to make my good black woman stock plummet. In the midst of it all, she is now going through a divorce, and so this love note is written in hopes that other newly divorced individuals do not make the mistakes that I believe she is on the verge of making, among others.
NeNe’s marriage was allegedly destroyed by fame. Now, that doesn’t mean that her husband was perfect. I actually believe that he is a clear demonstration of her father issues, and the need for control, but I digress. This marriage may have stood a chance if the Real Housewives franchise hadn’t come a’calling, but it’s not the show, it’s the fame that NeNe has received courtesy of the show that is the start of the problems, in my opinion.
But fast-forward to the present. NeNe and Greg are separated and my assumption is that divorce proceedings are going to be taking place. Note: Taking place. They are not divorced…yet. While some would tell her things such as, “the best way to get over one man is to get undera new one,” this is farthest from the truth. In fact, this isn’t the time to get over anything, it’s time for you to figure out your role in the breakup of this marriage (how many times have I said this this week). And furthermore, this is not the time to date…anyone…for any amount of time. Sorry, sweetie, but you are still married.
Now, I understand that you have dysfunction all around you. Cynthia’s farce of a marriage is enough to make anyone think that if you do better than that, then you’ve done okay; however, don’t be fooled. We all saw your tirade regarding the treatment that you’ve received in this marriage. But, NeNe, I doubt severely that you know how to be a wife. If you treated your husband even remotely as badly as you have treated some of your co-stars, and fellow Apprentices, I can say with all conviction that being married to you was no walk in the park (more like a walk over burning coals). Besides the stripper-esque sexual prowess that you’ve bragged about, what else did you bring to the table besides a child and a need to get out of Athens, Georgia? As such is the case, perhaps this marriage was doomed from the start–TV just expedited the inevitable.
If she were my client:
I’d need a Valium. Ok, let’s be fair. If NeNe Leakes came to me for relationship coaching. I would take away her ego, and put a muzzle on her. Not literally. However, NeNe has to learn how to communicate like an adult woman, or she doesn’t have to worry about relationships–platonic or romantic. I believe that she wants people to prove that they love her by walking through fire, and not getting burned. That’s quite a fete, even for a Cirque du Soleil cast member, but I truly believe that is what she desires. For those without fire-walker capabilities, there’s NeNe’s Worship Club. These individuals exist to answer her beck and call and maintain her ego. The President of the Worship Club? You guessed it, Cynthia Bailey. We’ll see how that relationship works out in the coming weeks. Hmmmmm…
Now, the fire-walking mandate is just plain ridiculous. No one can live up to those standards. No one has lived up to those standards.
Until we (she and I) can push through these unrealistic relationship expectations, NeNe shouldn’t even think about dating. She should keep her focus on acting dignified through the divorce, and being the parent that her children need. Not being “rich;” not buying $9 million homes in Miami; not appeasing her fans with over-the-top theatrics, and not criticizing everyone in Atlanta, but crying “haters” every five minutes.
I need her to do better.
What we can all learn from this:
Separation is not divorced. Getting divorced is not divorced. Let’s be clear.
What else we can learn? Our mouths can kill every relationship that we have. There is no way that anyone can convince me that NeNe hasn’t unleashed hers on her soon to be ex-husband. But beyond that, we should all learn that we should pay very close attention to the behaviors of the people in our lives, before we become involved with them.
Men: If the woman you’re involved with has no problem telling people off, guess what, you are not immune to receiving the same treatment (please share this with Lamar Odom about his beloved Khloe). If that’s not an attractive proposition, then don’t get involved. If you want to test the theory, then let the first time she emasculates you with profane or insulting words be the last time. This is not something that gets better.
Women: Being the girl who will tell everyone off is amusing, but it’s not attractive. A real man will not be attracted to your ability to cuss everyone out at the drop of a dime. I realize that you are a strong woman and want to let people know that you don’t put up with anything, but consider working on how you deliver such messages, and only “go there” when the situation truly calls for it. If you are around people who always seem to push you to that point, then get some new people in your life, and leave this dysfunction behind.
In the end, we have to respect each other–words and all. Otherwise, we are all doomed to walk the path that NeNe is walking right now. And even in the cutest Louboutins, its not a journey that anyone wants to take.