You Don’t Have to Settle…for Anything!

Dear Cam & Lucy…Let’s Make This Work

It’s not uncommon for people to think that once they have a significant other that there is no more work to be done.  That’s so far from the  truth.  Now that “you” are a “we” you have to learn what that means. You have to learn what your “signif” needs, and that’s a process in itself.

Remember the fundamentals: Attraction begets Interest begets Like begets Intense Like.  If you don’t, they’re are clearly defined in the book, “The Business of Dating.”

In a nutshell, we move through these four phases by way of intimacy.  Spatial intimacy, emotional intimacy, and spiritual intimacy, to be exact. (Note that physical intimacy was not included.)  How do we create intimacy?  By sharing time and space; by verbal and non-verbal communication; by being reactive and proactive…you get the idea.

And all of these things–while making perfect sense to us–can create closeness, openness, and the need to run away from you very fast in our significant other.  This is why we have to work on our relationships, and almost craft a language that only the two of you understand.

Now, it may seem lame for the two of you to come to a relationship coach; however, at the moment when you both decide that you like each other, and would like to see where this relationship can take you both, it might be a fun thing to do to just have a chat with your new wingwoman. (That could be me, by the way.)

After all, it’s better to learn how we make it better now, than to figure out it doesn’t get any worse later.

Like this story? Want to see how you the two of you can make it work? Click here.

Dear Reid…Get Back on the (Dating) Horse!

After 27 years of marriage, Reid  is now a single guy, but he’s not a dater.   (He doesn’t even know what dating is!) This hopeless romantic will spend his sessions learning how to date in the 21st century–including exploring and  avoiding the pitfalls of online and offline dating.

Reid is the perfect client.

We love that he knows what he wants, and that he’s willing to learn and to open his mind to what this new chapter of his life has to offer.

After a divorce, there are many things to consider…and here are just a “few.”:

  • One: Why didn’t my marriage last?  This is a question that will have varying answers depending on when you ask it.  The most honest answer will probably be the one that puts both of your challenges and shortcomings into the spotlight.  If you’re still playing the “blame game,” then you’re not being honest…and that is the first step to healing.
  • Two: What did I learn?  Better question.  I once had a client that learned the value of communication AFTER his divorce.  While some might say that it’s too late, I say that he will take that lesson into his next relationship, and be better for it.
  • Three: Do I want to be married again?  This is another great question, and one that you not take lightly.  The answer will determine what your post-divorce relationships look like and will set the expectations for your future significant other.

[dropcap style=”1″ size=”3″]+[/dropcap] So, now it’s your turn. If you’re like Reid…let’s talk about it.

Ready for a (Relationship) Revolution?

Me and Charles had a blast! Join in “the revolution!”

Dating is like interviewing for a job: You keep your best foot forward, make the best possible impression and hope they don’t see any of the flaws that make you YOU. So does that mean dating is like business? As a wrap-up to Charles’s month-long Online Dating Intensive, Charles discusses the business aspects of relationships with Stephanie D. McKenzie (aka “Coach Steph“), certified life coach and author of The Business of Dating: Traditional Business Principles for your Modern Dating Life! Get to know how you are presenting yourself, establish early boundaries, and read early red flags. Don’t miss this episode!

Listen here.