Why Don’t YOU Act Like a Man, So That I Don’t Have to Think Like One? (Part I)

This weekend, millions will flock (like single sheep) to see the new Steve Harvey-based flick, “Think Like a Man.”  (Which is why there will have to be a part two, and maybe even part three, to this article.)

Why I find this concerning, is that we are once again, throwing females under the proverbial dating bus, and asking them to lead, and to step outside of who they are.  I’ve explored this concept with a few of my colleagues in the love game, including, Keli V. Crane, Editor of BoisSuq.com (prounounced “boys suck”) and Jai Stone, Founder of BlackLoveForum.com.  And, we all agree, that it’s unfair to continue to ask single woman everywhere to contort and transform themselves to get, keep or revive a relationship.

So…why do we keep seeing this?

While this movie is tauted to Urban audiences, I feel that all walks of life and cultures, have seen this rhetoric.  Women are constantly told that they have to do this, say this, read this in order to get a man.  While, society fails to bring such an “education” to men.  So, while Sally is reading every article, book, newsletter and doing every dating exercise under the sun, Jack is going along, doing as he pleases, more than likely enjoying Sally’s due diligence, but failing to show any of his own.

Again, it’s not fair.

So, I ask the question, “why don’t you act like a man, so that I don’t have to think like one?” Because it seems that this is the problem.  Some men (many men) have taken the female role in relationship.  Sorry, it’s true.  It is the man who desires to be pursued, it is the man who seeks to be wooed.  If no one has told you (all of you), that’s not how this is supposed to work.  Women desire to be, and should be pursued, women desire to be, and should be wooed. So, if you, man, are not wearing the pants in the relationship, so to speak, then what we can expect is sheer confusion.

Personally, I am tired of seeing this role reversal that even many of my relationship coaching colleagues tend to support through their own newsletters, and dating tips.  Don’t you think that it’s time we set things straight?  Or, do you think that this is working?

Well, here are my 3 reasons, why we need traditional roles in dating…see if you agree.

Reason One: Whatever happens in the beginning of the relationship, sets a precedent.  So if you, woman, are in fact, thinking like a man, then you will set the precedent of doing so in the relationship.  This means that you will effectively kiss your desired pursuit and “wooing” goodbye, because you’re in charge.  How do you let a man be a man, if you’re the brains of the operation.  Answer: You don’t.

Reason Two: Without traditional roles, we jeopardize creating strong foundations for lasting relationships.  If you’ve ever seen a “hen-pecked” man, then you know that it doesn’t quite work out when women start leading.  I know, I know…we are the smarter sex, ladies, but we also are the weaker sex (I didn’t say it–stop making that face).  As such is the case, there is nothing like experiencing the stability and security of being with a man who is trustworthy, reliable, and honest; however, if you’re doing the thinking, and he is on the receiving end of that “strategy,” he may not feel compelled to do anything.  He may not work to create stability for you–mostly because, you’re walking around thinking like a man.  Now, I hate to goto the good Lawd on this, but, there’s this little passage that reads, “as a man(kind) thinketh, so is he.” Using this as a foundation, it seems that you become just what you think you are.  See the problem?

Reason Three:  This is  a bit insulting, if you really dig into it, because a woman should be a woman…period.  While I realize that the complete title is “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” what it says, is that my thought processes as a member of the female species are sabotaging my ability to get or to keep a relationship.  Really?  That can’t be true.  A real man (emphasis on real) will appreciate the feminine side of a woman.  He will embrace her emotional side, and react to her vulnerable side…he may even tell her “loud side” to shut the (bleep) up! But you get the picture.

At the end of the day, I believe that a real man, will want, love and commit to a real woman.  Real women are strong, courageous, emotional, vulnerable, and loveable.

What are you saying, Coach Steph?

I am saying that it’s time to put down the book, and continue being the woman that you are–thoughts and all!

Enjoy the movie!

How About a Smart@#$ Valentine? (aka “How Sexy is Intelligence?”)

When asked about the traits that most singles look for in a companion, most respond with the following words:






 And finally, “attractive.”

Sometimes you may even hear the word intelligent. Sometimes.  For many, it may be that this goes without saying.  Of course, there are others who boldly proclaim to date “dumb girls” and “dumb guys” at every opportunity.  But, ultimately, it seems safe to assume that at least a modicum of intelligence will help you in the dating game.

But that’s just my opinion.

So despite topping (or not topping) the list of great attributes for your next potential significant other, I wanted to find out just how sexy intelligence is.  So, in a quest to get beyond my own opinion, I took to social media powerhouse Twitter, where I posed the question to @whatthelove’s more than 2,000 followers.

The question? 

“Is intelligence sexy?” An to which I received the following responses from my fellow tweeters:

@PhoenixBoston stated, “Yes!”

@Mr_Souljah tweeted, “Definitely!!!”

@PrincessKriss said,”Yessssss! You have to get to my mind before you even can peek over the wall in front of my heart!

And lastly, @Social_Sex replied, “Sexiest thing there is!”

Okay, that’s a few more opinions.

From Twitter, I posed the question to my colleague on the relationship front, Keli V. Crane, editor of the relationship-focused website, “Boissuq.com” (pronounced, “boys suck”) who responded with a resounding, “of course.”  Crane went on to state that,” next to confidence, intelligence is the most sexy thing a man can wear.  To me, sexy is a state of mind… a man MUST be able to stimulate me mentally. There’s nothing worse than the “pretty” dude that you never want to open his mouth…Looks are fleeting, but intelligence is forever.”

Well, she must be onto something, because I found there’s an entire dating site dedicated to intelligent, sexy singles. 


It’s called IvyDate.com (Ivy is for “Ivy League,” get it?).  You don’t have to have attended an Ivy League institution, but this site celebrates those intelligent, witty individuals who are looking for someone to connect with.

According to their website, “IvyDate is the premier online introduction network for people who value creativity, intellectual curiosity, and drive. We send you up to five exceptional matches every week, all of whom have been pre-screened by a special membership committee to ensure first-rate qualities.”

I stand corrected—they are not a dating site, but an online introduction network.  So, I thought, “why not ask them?”  Surely, a site like this would have someone I could ask my silly little question.Voila! And so there was.

 I spoke with one of the CEOs from IvyDate.com and asked my question, to which I received the following reply:

 “Of course intelligence is sexy! Just think of Natalie Portman, Cleopatra, and Lord Byron. Or,” he joked, “just take a look at our team!”

 Now that’s just funny.

And…these nice, err, intelligent people went on to allow me to offer you, my precious readers, an opportunity to see just how intelligently sexy they are over at IvyDate.com. So when you finish reading this, run on over there and signup with the promo code WHAT_THE_LOVE, and enjoy some groovy benefits, such as:

  • Ability to register & subscribe for free

  • First priority in membership queue

  • Ability to respond to messages & send smiles for free

  • A discounted membership rate; those who upgrade to a premium membership will receive 25% off on their subscription

Perhaps there’s time for you to have a Happy Valentine’s Day after all…with your smart self!