How to KNOW if they like you?

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It’s an age-old question, asked by daters young and old. Driven by a desire to be with someone who genuinely cares for us, we find ourselves asking, “does he/she like me?”

Well, they might. (Wasn’t that profound?)

What you have to keep in mind, is that he or she may be asking the same questions about you. So, if in the event that you are too chcken to ask (it happens), here’s a few signs that might help you draw a conclusion. However, these signs are not foolproof, and at the end of the day, I highly recommend asking the individual. It may be a tad awkward to ask such a question, but rather you be a little uncomfortable now, then two months from now.

So, without further ado, here’s a few things to consider…and I hope this helps.

Considerations when you first meet them…

  • Are they attentive when you’re speaking?
  • Guys….did she give you her number when you asked?
  • Girls…did he ask for your number…and call?
  • Do they ask you questions about you?
    This is pretty much all you need to know. If someone likes or is interested in you, then they want to get to know you. Guys always seem to miss this cue. If a woman is not asking questions about you, she’s not trying to get to know you. She may be polite enough to listen to you talk, but if she fails to inquire about you beyond your name, age, and occupation (vital stats, if you will), then that’s a sign. Take.
  • Do they seem comfortable* around you?
    Squeemish could be nervousness, yes. But down right discomfort probably comes from looking for an exit door that is either not close enough or far enough that you’d notice. Especially for a woman, comfort is key to being with anyone.
  • Has the word date been mentioned?
    And, if so, did they respond enthusiastically to the suggestion, or was it like winning a dollar from playing the lottery?

*Creating a comfortable environment may include: 1) Excluding your dirty jokes 2) Not discussing politics, religion, or any other possibly controversial topic. 3) Excluding numerous comments about their looks, beauty, body, job, income, SEX or anything else that would could be considered an questionable (this means you look like a stalker-in-training).

Considerations for the date…

  • Again, are they attentive?
  •  Do they ask questions about you?
  •  Do they seem comfortable?
  • AND one more…When you mention going out again, do they say yes?
    While I realize that this may go without saying, there’s a little more to it. I legitimately mean, do they say without hesitation or any pause whatsoever, “YES!” After the yes, should come the plan. If she says yes, but there is no plan to meet you in an intimate setting–just the two of you–consider this case closed. If there’s a yes, and then she commits to a date, or to giving you a date, then you might have a shot.

While I realize that this article, may seem a bit cliche’ I also know that sometimes we need to be reminded of how dating works, and we need to understand that it’s not that serious (for the most part). We will like and dislike numerous people in our single lives, and the truth is, if they don’t like you, then keep moing forward until you cross the path of someone who does.

#bearockstar
#Love100

Are YOU Loving Yourself Enough to Make Someone Love You?

It hurts when someone doesn’t love us back. Many of us have tried and tried to receive the love that we’ve given willingly and enthusiastically only to draw the conclusion that our love is indeed unrequited.

However, there is a love that we have to address if we ever hope to be happy, and that’s how we love ourselves.

Believe it or not, you may be the reason why the love you seek has yet to find you. This statement is not intended to make you feel badly, but it is intended to make you think.

When you love yourself, you become empowered. You have an energy that makes people want to be in your presence. Additionally, when we love ourselves, we set standards for ourselves and expect people to not only meet, but exceed them.

If you’ve ever settled, accepted anyone’s nonsense, given passes when you should’ve been kicking a**es, then you have been guilty of not loving yourself. Make no mistake, I have done it, too. In fact, it cost me 10 years of my life, and it’s a key reason that I became a relationship coach.

Many times, we avoid conflicts and situations in relationships because we don’t to seem overbearing or domineering. But, understand that asserting your needs, and expectations is a huge part of communicating what you think about yourself. If you never speak up for yourself, then it tells your significant other what they should think about you. It also shows them what you think of yourself.

Light bulbs go off….right…about…NOW!

By the way, this concept also holds true for friends, relatives and co-workers. Every relationship in your life is governed by the high (or not so high opinion) that you have of yourself. I am not saying that you should become an arrogant prick, but I am saying that you should take a look at yourself and really fall in love with the person that you are.

REALLY!

Now, if you need a little help, you can learn how to be a rockstar with me. In fact, I hope you will come and hang out with me because I am ready to show you just how much you rock!

Even if you don’t believe it right now.

Of course, if you do believe it, there’s nothing like hearing it again–and I am more than happy to oblige.

In conclusion, loving yourself is not simply an option, but it’s a mandate. How do you know when you’re loving yourself enough to make someone love you? When you know (emphasis on “know”) that you deserve the best and you refuse to accept anything less under any circumstances…

…and no matter how hot he or she may be! 😉

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Why Don’t YOU Act Like a Man, So That I Don’t Have to Think Like One? (Part I)

This weekend, millions will flock (like single sheep) to see the new Steve Harvey-based flick, “Think Like a Man.”  (Which is why there will have to be a part two, and maybe even part three, to this article.)

Why I find this concerning, is that we are once again, throwing females under the proverbial dating bus, and asking them to lead, and to step outside of who they are.  I’ve explored this concept with a few of my colleagues in the love game, including, Keli V. Crane, Editor of BoisSuq.com (prounounced “boys suck”) and Jai Stone, Founder of BlackLoveForum.com.  And, we all agree, that it’s unfair to continue to ask single woman everywhere to contort and transform themselves to get, keep or revive a relationship.

So…why do we keep seeing this?

While this movie is tauted to Urban audiences, I feel that all walks of life and cultures, have seen this rhetoric.  Women are constantly told that they have to do this, say this, read this in order to get a man.  While, society fails to bring such an “education” to men.  So, while Sally is reading every article, book, newsletter and doing every dating exercise under the sun, Jack is going along, doing as he pleases, more than likely enjoying Sally’s due diligence, but failing to show any of his own.

Again, it’s not fair.

So, I ask the question, “why don’t you act like a man, so that I don’t have to think like one?” Because it seems that this is the problem.  Some men (many men) have taken the female role in relationship.  Sorry, it’s true.  It is the man who desires to be pursued, it is the man who seeks to be wooed.  If no one has told you (all of you), that’s not how this is supposed to work.  Women desire to be, and should be pursued, women desire to be, and should be wooed. So, if you, man, are not wearing the pants in the relationship, so to speak, then what we can expect is sheer confusion.

Personally, I am tired of seeing this role reversal that even many of my relationship coaching colleagues tend to support through their own newsletters, and dating tips.  Don’t you think that it’s time we set things straight?  Or, do you think that this is working?

Well, here are my 3 reasons, why we need traditional roles in dating…see if you agree.

Reason One: Whatever happens in the beginning of the relationship, sets a precedent.  So if you, woman, are in fact, thinking like a man, then you will set the precedent of doing so in the relationship.  This means that you will effectively kiss your desired pursuit and “wooing” goodbye, because you’re in charge.  How do you let a man be a man, if you’re the brains of the operation.  Answer: You don’t.

Reason Two: Without traditional roles, we jeopardize creating strong foundations for lasting relationships.  If you’ve ever seen a “hen-pecked” man, then you know that it doesn’t quite work out when women start leading.  I know, I know…we are the smarter sex, ladies, but we also are the weaker sex (I didn’t say it–stop making that face).  As such is the case, there is nothing like experiencing the stability and security of being with a man who is trustworthy, reliable, and honest; however, if you’re doing the thinking, and he is on the receiving end of that “strategy,” he may not feel compelled to do anything.  He may not work to create stability for you–mostly because, you’re walking around thinking like a man.  Now, I hate to goto the good Lawd on this, but, there’s this little passage that reads, “as a man(kind) thinketh, so is he.” Using this as a foundation, it seems that you become just what you think you are.  See the problem?

Reason Three:  This is  a bit insulting, if you really dig into it, because a woman should be a woman…period.  While I realize that the complete title is “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” what it says, is that my thought processes as a member of the female species are sabotaging my ability to get or to keep a relationship.  Really?  That can’t be true.  A real man (emphasis on real) will appreciate the feminine side of a woman.  He will embrace her emotional side, and react to her vulnerable side…he may even tell her “loud side” to shut the (bleep) up! But you get the picture.

At the end of the day, I believe that a real man, will want, love and commit to a real woman.  Real women are strong, courageous, emotional, vulnerable, and loveable.

What are you saying, Coach Steph?

I am saying that it’s time to put down the book, and continue being the woman that you are–thoughts and all!

Enjoy the movie!

So…Jimmy Put a Ring on it!

Three words… MOR. TI. FIED!

 Along with millions of viewers, I watched as Jim Jones proposed to longtime, live-in “wifey” Chrissy Lampkin on their popular VH1 Show, “Love and Hip Hop.”

The proposal caused emotional reactions throughout the Twitterverse, and just may have inspired millions of single women to take control of their situations, so that they too, could get a nice piece of ice on that special finger.

I saw the tweets and facebook statuses that were so happy for her.  Some people were actually crying.   There’s only one problem…

Keep reading

How I Know Jimmy Loves Chrissy

Watching “Love and Hip Hop” last night, was a pretty taxing experience.  I admit that I only became interested in the show after I saw last season’s heartfelt proposal by Chrissy Lampkin to long-time beau, rapper Jim Jones—with ring and all.

 My Take:
First of all, I have been where Chrissy is.  She feels that she has to make somethings happen in her relationship, and because she wants marriage, she felt that it was okay to propose.  The truth is that if after 6 years this man is okay with sleeping with you, and sharing a life with you day in and day out, but has YET to explore sharing his last name with you, take that as a sign.

Chrissy is a strong woman, and beautiful one at that.  I am not saying that she should leave him, but I am saying that she should love herself more than she apparently does.  There is nothing like being in love with a man who doesn’t reciprocate the level of emotion that you have for him.  Do I doubt that Jim loves Chrissy? Nope.  Do I doubt that he’s ready (or willing) to be a husband? Well…  The proof is in the relationship.  Jim doesn’t want to be a husband, at least right now.  These two are in different places in this relationship, and that means that actions have to be taken–by both of them.

Need more proof? The proof in the proposal…that she made.

Tsk-tsk.

And as if it wasn’t enough that she proposed.  Jim looked at her tear-stained face and replied, “I got you.”  Well, that’s the problem, isn’t?  You have her, and are fairly convinced that she isn’t going anywhere, so why bother legitimizing this relationship?  Now, Chrissy believes that they are engaged, and she continues to push this agenda into Season 2, perhaps believing that is she keeps saying it (or asking about it) that it will become a reality.

Really, Chrissy?

But, this I do know: Jim love Chrissy.  He does.  Jim loves Chrissy enough to be with her the last 6 years, call her his woman, enjoy all the perks of her being a live-in “wifey” but not enough to make her Mrs. Jones?

That’s not enough love for me, and I wish it wasn’t for her.  But it happens.

Chrissy should realize that it doesn’t take a grown man 6 years to decide what he wants.  If he wanted to marry you…he would’ve asked YOU.

Probably adding to this sitch is the fact that Jim’s (or Jimmy’s) mother, isn’t exactly Chrissy’s biggest fan, and that’s putting it mildly.

If she were my client:
I would have to get to the bottom of why she wants to marry this man so badly, that she would propose to him.  Is this about the 6 years they’ve spent together, or is this about building a future together?  I spent 10 years in a relationship, and I relate to having all the years together and wanting them to culminate in something meaningful.

Additionally, we would have to explore what she’s prepared to do if he doesn’t step up to the plate and become her husband.

We’re not issuing ultimatums, but we are defining what she needs and wants for herself.  As much as Chrissy loves Jim, she shouldn’t have to settle for a relationship that isn’t fulfilling her.  I don’t want her to go another 6 years and perhaps 2-3 children later, and realize that she’s made a grave mistake.

What can all learn from this:
There is no reason why a woman should have to propose to a man.  I am sorry to burst your feminist bubble, but after everything we go through to love and to honor the special man in our life, to now add proposing to the list, just seems unfair.

It is a privilege to share a life with someone, and if you don’t think the privilege of sharing of life with you merits him asking for it, then that says something more.

Additionally, we have to be prepared to take drastic steps when we’ve created a situation that is difficult to get out of. If Chrissy didn’t live with Jim, it would be easier for her to exit this relationship.  And, I would’ve done just that after my proposal was met with, “I got you.”

The ultimate lesson: You cannot make anyone be what they don’t want to be.  It’s clear that Jimmy doesn’t want to be a husband, and if you think you’re unfulfilled now, just imagine what will happen if he takes on the role without being prepared to do so.

Take the hint, Chrissy…you deserve more, and if he won’t give it to you…then you have be prepared to do something different.

I wish you the best!

Oh yea…don’t replace that engagement right you bought, and he lost. (Just my 2 cents!)