You Don’t Have to Settle…for Anything!

Dear Reid…Get Back on the (Dating) Horse!

After 27 years of marriage, Reid  is now a single guy, but he’s not a dater.   (He doesn’t even know what dating is!) This hopeless romantic will spend his sessions learning how to date in the 21st century–including exploring and  avoiding the pitfalls of online and offline dating.

Reid is the perfect client.

We love that he knows what he wants, and that he’s willing to learn and to open his mind to what this new chapter of his life has to offer.

After a divorce, there are many things to consider…and here are just a “few.”:

  • One: Why didn’t my marriage last?  This is a question that will have varying answers depending on when you ask it.  The most honest answer will probably be the one that puts both of your challenges and shortcomings into the spotlight.  If you’re still playing the “blame game,” then you’re not being honest…and that is the first step to healing.
  • Two: What did I learn?  Better question.  I once had a client that learned the value of communication AFTER his divorce.  While some might say that it’s too late, I say that he will take that lesson into his next relationship, and be better for it.
  • Three: Do I want to be married again?  This is another great question, and one that you not take lightly.  The answer will determine what your post-divorce relationships look like and will set the expectations for your future significant other.

[dropcap style=”1″ size=”3″]+[/dropcap] So, now it’s your turn. If you’re like Reid…let’s talk about it.

But I Don’t Wanna Date Online…*Pouts*

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The truth is, many singles prefer the old fashioned way, they prefer to date people that they can actually see and can talk to in real life.  However, the truth is, that contingent upon the site, you can find some very nice people that you will not find in your local bars and restaurants.  Some are busy professionals that travel or just busy professionals.  So, in the midst of the hustle and bustle, they’ve decided to use the internet to help them find the “love” or at least the intense like that they seek.

So, why not?

Objection Number One…”I think it’s embarassing.” Well, it is for some, and especially if they are half naked on a profile, but for most, they are not embarassed, they are cautiously optimistic, and if nothing else, they know that they have stepped out of their comfort zone.  However, you can always hide your profile.  Many services allow you to hide your information/profile and still navigate the site.  This way, you can still feel as if you have an element of control and that you are not all out in the etherfor everyone to see.  Now, one problem solved.

Objection Number Two…”How will I explain to my friends how we met?” Okay, okay, if even the thought of saying, “we met online” makes you cringe, then consider the following…around your third date, makeup a great story about how the two of you met…it will be tons of fun.  Now, there needs to at least one person that knows the deal, especially if he turns out to be a dud (but that could happen offline, too), but if you don’t want to tell your friends and family, then don’t.  My response, “I was playing around on the internet and ran into him,” it’s vague enough that people leave me alone, and for those that truly know the nerd that I am…they just say ok.  After all, there’s linkedin, there’s twitter, there’s so many virtual “playgrounds” that I could’ve been in…so have a ball, and don’t let other’s opinions stop you.

Note to Readers: Try something new. Signup now for a VIP Sneak Peek of a new relationship site…click here.

Objection Number Three…”I hear that there are alot of losers online.”  I hear that there are alot of losers EVERYWHERE.  Look, odds are that if you can’t avoid the losers in the bar, then you can’t avoid them online; however, the great thing about them being online is that they have to advertise first.  Now, his profile could be a complete lie; however…you could meet a guy/girl tomorrow and they tell you a complete lie as well…hey, it happens.  But if you see photos you don’t agree with, poor grammar (and that’s one of my deal breakers), guess what…you don’t have to say a word, and they will none the wiser of your judgment.

Listen, there are pros and cons to dating online–just as there are for dating, period.  If any other above are your objections, I hope I’ve given you just enough ammunition to push pass all of that rhetoric and to at least try an online site…If you don’t like it, delete your profile and write me a stern letter about the experience.  But, perhaps you just might find someone and you can write me a letter about that, too.

Here’s to you…ONLINE!

Note to Readers: Try something new. Signup now for a VIP Sneak Peek of a new relationship site…click here.

Your Online Dating Profile SUCKS! (and here’s why…)

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On June 12th, myself and my good friend The Dating Diva did a class on online dating and the do’s and dont’s for dating online.  However, this class was very reserved and didn’t remotely touch on the things that I am about to say here.  Because the truth is, some of you (yes, even you reading this) have some profiles that even your mother couldn’t love…Now this article is targeted to the guys, but it can be applied to the girls, so you are not safe…I am just not looking at you online.

Now, I know you want to know why that is…so here goes…

First: Your picture is ridiculous!  Some of them are just down right attractive, but I’m talking to the ones of you, especially the males, that are sitting in your profile pic with your shirt off.  Really, if that’s all you have to offer, then I am afraid that you have missed me, and a few other great girls with such behavior.  We do not care about your washboard abs (at least not while we’re searching), and especially for someone over the age of 22, using such a picture says so much more about your character, or your lack thereof.  So, in case no one has told you…let me be the first…put your *&%$ shirt back on!

Note to Readers: Try something new. Signup now for a VIP Sneak Peek of a new relationship site…click here.

Second: idk y iam single bcoz i am a good man.  Seriously?  Why are you writing in text-ese on your profile?  Of course, you list your profession as a Systems Analyst or some other accomplished position; however you have failed to form complete sentences in something as simple as an online dating profile.  You probably didn’t think it was a big deal, but it is.  Anyone who is remotely interested in you and WORTH (emphasis on WORTH) your time will find this to be absolutely ridiculous!  How is it that a grown, single man with a professional position (or so he stated) cannot communicate on an adult level.  A piece of advice: Be formal in your communications until the relationship allows for you to be informal.  Using bad English, horrible sentence structure, lowercase letters, and text-ese is the equivalent of showing up to your job 6 hours late.  No one cares why you are that late, and at that point, they no longer want to hear the explanation.

Third: I promise this is the last one, event throu I could go on and on and on.  TELL THE TRUTH! The last thing anyone wants to encounter is someone who is jobless or homeless, but has a profile with a job and a living situation listed that are not accurate…If you are in a position in your life where you cannot take care of yourself, then why are you looking for dates?  You don’t need a date, you need a job and your own address, thus, your energies are best focused on achieving those things BEFORE you start looking for a woman to “complete” you (too much Jerry MacGuire), and another conversation entirely.  I hate to say it guys, but if you can’t present your current situation as one that someone who be okay with, then you probably shouldn’t be presenting it at all—definitely not to get dates.  Now there are some women that thrive on having a man that they can control and/or fix, but that’s not what you want.  In the end, perhaps the reason why you are single is because you need the time to get your life together, and as such is the case, I speak for most when I say, now please remove your profile from all dating site—you’re not DATEABLE!

Okay, stepping off of my soapbox…

If after reading this your dating profile still sucks, then click here.