Are YOU Loving Yourself Enough to Make Someone Love You?

It hurts when someone doesn’t love us back. Many of us have tried and tried to receive the love that we’ve given willingly and enthusiastically only to draw the conclusion that our love is indeed unrequited.

However, there is a love that we have to address if we ever hope to be happy, and that’s how we love ourselves.

Believe it or not, you may be the reason why the love you seek has yet to find you. This statement is not intended to make you feel badly, but it is intended to make you think.

When you love yourself, you become empowered. You have an energy that makes people want to be in your presence. Additionally, when we love ourselves, we set standards for ourselves and expect people to not only meet, but exceed them.

If you’ve ever settled, accepted anyone’s nonsense, given passes when you should’ve been kicking a**es, then you have been guilty of not loving yourself. Make no mistake, I have done it, too. In fact, it cost me 10 years of my life, and it’s a key reason that I became a relationship coach.

Many times, we avoid conflicts and situations in relationships because we don’t to seem overbearing or domineering. But, understand that asserting your needs, and expectations is a huge part of communicating what you think about yourself. If you never speak up for yourself, then it tells your significant other what they should think about you. It also shows them what you think of yourself.

Light bulbs go off….right…about…NOW!

By the way, this concept also holds true for friends, relatives and co-workers. Every relationship in your life is governed by the high (or not so high opinion) that you have of yourself. I am not saying that you should become an arrogant prick, but I am saying that you should take a look at yourself and really fall in love with the person that you are.

REALLY!

Now, if you need a little help, you can learn how to be a rockstar with me. In fact, I hope you will come and hang out with me because I am ready to show you just how much you rock!

Even if you don’t believe it right now.

Of course, if you do believe it, there’s nothing like hearing it again–and I am more than happy to oblige.

In conclusion, loving yourself is not simply an option, but it’s a mandate. How do you know when you’re loving yourself enough to make someone love you? When you know (emphasis on “know”) that you deserve the best and you refuse to accept anything less under any circumstances…

…and no matter how hot he or she may be! ūüėČ

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Why Don’t YOU Act Like a Man, So That I Don’t Have to Think Like One? (Part I)

This weekend, millions will flock (like single sheep)¬†to see the new Steve Harvey-based flick, “Think Like a Man.”¬† (Which is why there will have to be a part two, and maybe even part three, to this article.)

Why I find this¬†concerning, is that we are once again, throwing females under the proverbial dating bus, and asking them to lead, and to step outside of who they are.¬† I’ve explored this concept with a few of my colleagues in the love game, including, Keli V.¬†Crane, Editor of BoisSuq.com (prounounced “boys suck”) and Jai Stone, Founder of BlackLoveForum.com.¬† And, we all agree, that it’s unfair to continue to ask single woman everywhere to contort and transform themselves to get, keep or revive a relationship.

So…why do we keep seeing this?

While this movie is tauted to Urban audiences, I feel that all walks of life and cultures, have seen this rhetoric.¬† Women are constantly told that they have to do this, say this, read this in order to get a man.¬† While, society fails to bring such an “education” to men.¬† So, while Sally is reading every article, book, newsletter and doing every dating exercise under the sun, Jack is going along, doing as he pleases, more than likely enjoying Sally’s due diligence, but failing to show any of his own.

Again, it’s not fair.

So, I ask the question, “why don’t you act like a man, so that I don’t have to think like one?” Because it seems that this is the problem.¬† Some men (many men) have taken the female role in relationship.¬† Sorry, it’s true.¬† It is the man who desires to be pursued, it is the man who seeks to be wooed.¬† If no one has told you (all of you), that’s not how this is supposed to work.¬† Women desire to be, and should be¬†pursued, women desire to be, and should be¬†wooed. So, if you, man, are¬†not wearing the pants in the relationship, so to speak, then what we can expect is sheer confusion.

Personally, I am tired of seeing this role reversal that even many of my relationship coaching colleagues tend to support through their own newsletters, and dating tips.¬† Don’t you think that it’s time we set things straight?¬† Or, do you think that this is working?

Well, here are my 3¬†reasons, why we need traditional roles in dating…see if you agree.

Reason One: Whatever happens in the beginning of the relationship, sets a precedent.¬† So if you, woman, are in fact, thinking like a man, then you will set the precedent of doing so in the relationship.¬† This means that you will effectively kiss your desired pursuit and “wooing” goodbye, because you’re in charge.¬† How do you let a man be a man, if you’re the brains of the operation.¬† Answer: You don’t.

Reason Two: Without traditional roles, we jeopardize creating strong foundations for lasting relationships.¬† If you’ve ever seen a “hen-pecked” man, then you know that it doesn’t quite work out when women start leading.¬† I know, I know…we are the smarter sex, ladies, but we also are the weaker sex (I didn’t say it–stop making that face).¬† As such is the case, there is nothing like experiencing the stability and security of being with a man who is trustworthy, reliable, and honest; however, if you’re doing the thinking, and he is on the receiving end of that “strategy,” he may not feel compelled to do anything.¬† He may not work to create stability for you–mostly because, you’re walking around thinking like a man.¬† Now, I hate to goto the good Lawd on this, but, there’s this little passage that reads, “as a man(kind) thinketh, so is he.” Using this as a foundation, it seems that you become just what you think you are.¬† See the problem?

Reason Three:¬† This is¬† a bit insulting, if you really dig into it, because a woman should be a woman…period.¬† While I realize that the complete title is “Act Like a Lady, Think Like¬†a Man,” what it says, is that my thought processes as a member of the female species are sabotaging my ability to get or to keep a relationship.¬† Really?¬† That can’t be true.¬† A real man (emphasis on real) will appreciate the feminine side of a woman.¬† He will embrace her emotional side, and react to her vulnerable side…he may even tell her “loud side” to shut the (bleep) up! But you get the picture.

At the end of the day, I believe that a real man, will want, love and commit to a real woman.  Real women are strong, courageous, emotional, vulnerable, and loveable.

What are you saying, Coach Steph?

I am saying that it’s time to put down the book, and continue being the woman that you are–thoughts and all!

Enjoy the movie!

So, You Are Going to Breakup With Your Significant Other (GUEST BLOGGER)

So you have decided to break up with your significant other. There is a right way and a lot of wrong ways. Find out the things that you should do to minimize the hurt that is bound to happen for both of you. How to move on with a new partner. Breaking up is hard on egos. Learn how to correctly do this most difficult of relationship acts.